Mentoring: the missing link for many high-achieving students — and what to do about it

— and what to do about it

One question that’s come up frequently in my conversations with parents and students is how to find a mentor. Connecting with a mentor is a critical component of every student’s success — and yet many students have no idea how to find one. So I’d like to share 9 steps students can take to reach out to successful leaders in their community and building a powerful mentorship.

But before we jump in, I want to recommend this interview with Adam Braun, the founder of the Pencils of Promise. He talks about how he changed one child’s life simply by giving away a pencil — and how this simple gesture was the beginning of his world-changing organization. Much of his success he credits to his mentor, who encouraged him to go for a career that would teach him the most, not pay him the most. I share this with you because I want to emphasize how the smallest of gestures can spark a revolution — and how a mentor can help you kick your revolution into full gear.

Sparking a revolution and kicking it into full gear? Now THAT is how you get into your dream school!​ So let’s dive in and find out how you find this all-important mentor!

1. Before you reach out, know what you want to accomplish.

Students, begin by brainstorming how you can use your talents and passions to create something unique. Are you interested in research? Creative writing? Engineering? Animal welfare? The environment? What about these areas makes you come alive? What, specifically, would you like to accomplish by taking on a project in this area? What needs can you meet? What innovations need to be created? What information do people need to make positive changes — in their personal lives, in the world? How can you use your passions and talents to fill just one of these holes?

2. Make a list of people you admire in the field.

Once you’ve got a clear sense of the direction you want to head, start to brainstorm a list of people you admire in the field. Talk to your parents, your guidance counselor, your current teachers. See what names seem to come up. You don’t need to have a personal connection with the people on your list. They could be current teachers, or teachers you’ve heard about from other students, or leaders you’ve read about in the paper or online.

3. Research prospective mentors.

You want to make sure you know enough about the people you’re reaching out to. These days, a simple Google search is an easy way to start. Find out as much as you can about each person you’re considering. Make sure the person’s background fits with your interests and passions. And make sure you have a very strong understanding of how this person has contributed to society.

4. Determine exactly what you want to gain from these mentors.

Before you reach out to anyone, you want to have a clear sense of what you hope to gain. Are you looking for an internship? For how long and how many hours/week? Are you looking for an opportunity to sit down regularly to talk through your ideas? You need to be clear about how often you want to do this — once a week, once a month? For 30 minutes, an hour? Be very specific so the mentor knows exactly what s/he is agreeing to — but start small. Asking to sit down for coffee for 2 hours is guaranteed to overwhelm your prospective mentor. Start with a one-time, 30 minute meeting, for example, and see how the connection unfolds.

5. Determine what benefit you can offer.

If you want a successful mentoring relationship, you need to consider what you’re going to bring to your mentors. If you’re thinking about an internship or a shadow position, what kind of tasks can you offer to do in return? If you’re looking for advice once a month, you want to offer to pay for coffee as well as to volunteer a couple of hours to help out where needed.

6. Craft a brief, polite email requesting a brief conversation.

Make your emails brief and explain your knowledge and interest in the mentor’s background. You want to state your interest in developing a connection with someone of his/her caliber and ask to set up a brief phone call. Wait before you come out and ask if you can become a mentee. You need to develop some sort of relationship first. If you are too nervous to get on the phone, you can make a brief 2-minute video of yourself stating your interests and desire to form a mentorship with this person. A video will very quickly show your personality and get the person’s attention.

7. Ask good questions.

 To gain a potential mentor’s respect and attention, you need to ask probing questions that illustrate your interest in deepening your knowledge and experience. Good questions show the potential mentor that you have put some time and effort into you outreach. It tells them you’re not going to waste their time.

8. Don’t be afraid to take on 2 or 3 mentors.

Everyone mentor will have different skills sets and different time constraints; no one person will be able to help you cultivate all aspects of your interests and passions. Instead, choose a range of people you want to connect with who can help you in different areas. One person may be able to give powerful business advice, while another person may be best suited to helping you set up a blog, while another may be great at offering inspirational advice.

9. Always say thank you.

No matter what kind of connection you form with a mentor, whether it’s a one-time 10 minute conversation or a year-long internship, saying thank you is a critical way to show that students value the advice and time of the person who’s been generous enough to share both. The best way is to write a hand-written note. It’s an extra level of effort that will go a long way towards building strong relationships.